Happy New Year's! (And the resolution )

Well, first of all,
Happy New Years!

Yes. It's that time in southern hemisphere.


I didn't do anything special for that time, though, a part of me did want to be out socializing somewhere else on the Earth, I am very content with the way I spent it; which was with my second family. (but that's another story)

Oh, new years. I love it. a new start.
Since 2008 was a bit on a low side of me as a year overall, I intend to make 2009 an amazing one to make up for it!
And I love making new year's resolutions.
Mine last year? I didn't make one, and I felt like I didn't have a purpose. (which, is never a good feeling)

New Year's Resolution '09:

1. Complete transition to about 90% raw, which is where I'm comfortable. (I still love herbal tea and, spices are so much more convenient dried.)
2. Make exercising a daily thing. Especially yoga.
3. Become more independent.
   
4. Get on my dream!
   

4 is pretty low number for me. I usually make about 8. hahaha

I'm very fortunate to have someone who supports me through all this, and I am fortunate that I can (somehow) support her back- We're resolution buddies!

xx
AJ

Shatter.

Words.
They pretend-
pretend to be knives.

Yet the damage.
So deep, so fresh.
Invisible, yet, no tourniquets.
Can't you see?
Can't you hear?

My body- covered.
My screams- so loud.
So loud.
But it's not your range.
Nor the language- the language lost too long ago,
so long, only we speak it.

Mirror, mirror, on the floor-
who's the vicious of them all?

The one who speaks.
Who pushed me down the rabbit hole-
now I have no way out,
lost in the woods-
Where am I?
Who am I?

The smokes, the colors, the smell, the sight-
Strangest things surround me with thoughts,
some want change, some want someone else,
and even some, the death of my identity.

No, my shields are no use,
do I fight back?
Then I'd be back where I started.
Where I never wanted to be.
After all, it all began when I started running.

The books!
Oh the books.
They were the ones to start me off.
They are the ones who gave them the tasks.
The task, in which they must create a mold.
So that they can cut me out with it.
To fit in.
To be someone 'safe', who'll bring no change.
No news.

We fear change,
the new,
the strange.
So why not cut her out?
It's fine if she's missing a piece or two,
or her self.
As long as she fits the mold.

So they then went, the mold in mind,
cutting, cutting so she fits.
But she still won't,
so they speak.
The words still.
Cutting, cutting.

Ranting.

So. you know. life kind of sucks right now.
and i'm going to rant.
it's eating me up inside.

So one.
One-way relationships. and Impatience.
my best friend. who i only get to see twice a year max,
does not. make the same effort (if at all) to see me.
yet she still claims to be my best friend.
is it okay to be frustrated?
I don't care if it isn't; I'm frustrated.

Two.
Raw Vegan.
What I need is support, not reason why I shouldn't be.
I've already made my decision to be one.
You're not going to change anything by telling me why I shouldn't be one, darling.
So if you claim to be my friend, then BE my friend.
Support me.

Three.
'Friends'.
Don't claim to be my friend if you're not going to make the effort to be one.
And don't assume you know everything about me.
Don't take me for granted.
If I confront you about something that bothers me,
it bothers me. Don't take it lightly.
And, seriously, don't tell me what to be, okay?
I have enough identity problems, the last thing I need is a ready-made person I should be.

Four.
My body.
Please start digesting soon.
I realize I am not treating you the best I can, but please.
Digest.

I'm gonna go take a bath. I so need it.

xx
AJ

Transition. Two.

So I'm a bit lazy.
It's rather easy to eat 'convenient' 'foodlikesubstances' when you're away from your usual environment, where you don't have much control over what you eat-
so my tactic?

Make raw food 'convenient'.
How exactly? you ask.
well, one of my favorite raw food is nori rolls.
so for that, I cut up my veggies, such as red cabbage, carrots, cukes- and keep it in a tuppeware. I mean, it's not THE freshest when you get to it, but at least i'm not noshing on some pre-made meals, right?
Green Smoothies- pre-wash the veggies you use, like broccoli for instance, and keep THAT in a tupperware. or cut up the pineapples pre-hand.

there are so may ways to make raw food more 'convenient' for us.
you just have to sacrifice a little bit of your time and freshness of the food, per se.
not that big of a deal.

xx
AJ

Just Spewing Thoughts.

12:42 AM.
Exam? 8:30 AM.

I know I need to sleep, especially because I didn't get much last night.
In fact, almost every night this past 5 days, I haven't.
Could it be stress?
Maybe.

Whatever it is, it is perhaps because I have so much on my mind right now that I cannot get on and concentrate on anything.
So I'm spewing them.

Thought one:
Raw Veganism.
How long will it take for me to get accustomed to this diet, fully?
I thoroughly enjoy it, however, am still addicted to table sugar- which, makes me feel ill everytime I consume something of that kind.
Anything 'refined', actually.
Wheat. Sugar.
all that jazz.
So why do I keep consuming them 'foods'?
Habit.
How frustrating. Break the sugar addiction now, myself!

Thought two:
Will I actually pass my courses?
Will it be the first time I fail anything in my life?
Will I do as well as I want to in courses?
Will I be a failure?
Why am I hanging out with people who doesn't care about marks?
Why am I hanging out with people who doesn't have the same opinion as myself?
Why?

Thought three:
I want to sing.
Sing.
NOW.
Loud.
Free.
Open.
On stage-
and dance.
Sing.

Thought four:
Why can't I sleep?

xx
AJ

Ah, Sleep.

Perhaps it's due to the stress of exams.
Perhaps my body has learnt to run on 7 hours of sleep.
But I couldn't sleep.

Well, I did, go to bed early-7:30 ish- and intended to sleep till 4:00 so that I can get up and have an early day.
But no. I get up at 10:54.
And here I am, still up.
Yes, I have attempted to go back to sleep several (4, to be precise) times, and realized that it was rather a waste.

So here I am with my morning GS (...which is more like a juice today, since I used grapefruit) to have an early day on, and ready to take on the exam.... kind of.
Well, as far as it goes, I cannot do anything more by this point, and the best thing to do is to start studying for my next exam!

xx
AJ

Transition.

So I'm secretly and slowly transitioning into a raw vegan.
Why secretly?
Because people have very strong opinions on food, and most people don't necessarily 'agree' with the diet I follow.
And, you know, I'd rather not get into the deep topic of 'food' with people who aren't willing to listen.

I've been transitioning for about a week, a bit longer, now, and all is well.
I have truly fallen in love with the GS, by the way!
I make sure to make one in the morning- I particularily like the one I make with a handful of grapes, spinach and romaine.



That's my 'It's too late to eat, but I'm too hungry to study anymore' sized smoothie!



And for some reason, I get asked a lot the following quesion: "How much do you eat in a day?"
So here's a photo.I should be eating a little more colorfully, I've noticed just now.

Oh, and the mushrooms are marinaded. and it's delicious.
If anyone's up for it, it's quite simple- wash the mushrooms, peel the outer skin, chop it up, and massage in olive oil, or whatever oil you desire, followed by flavoring of your choice- try garlic and herbs- and let sit for 6 hours. Of course, you can eat it straight away, or earlier if you like.

So my daily diet is usually as follows:
Morning : 1L of water with a bit of Himalayan salt throughout the course of the morning, and a nice medium GS.
Mid-day: Usually a bunch of veggie sticks (yes, about 3/4 that tub) with dip of choice- recently, it's been the raw Chimichurri sauce.
Evening: A big GS, and if it's before 6 that I get hungry, a side dish, like the marinaded mushroom.


Because I'm still transitioning-very early in the stage, in fact- I don't make any strict rules to my diet. If I do, I will 'quit' very fast- to go from processed food consumer to vegetarian to vegan to a raw vegan in a year is a lot of change to go through. And it's not the body that can't keep up, it's the mind!

I have an easier time in these transformations of my diet than some, as I've always loved veggies and almost habitually filled at least half my plate with salad, and always needed a pretty good amount of raw veggies in my daily diet since I was young. What I am having a hard time eliminating, however, is sugar. I'm plain just addicted to table sugar.

Maybe it's because I'm extremely food sensitive, but I have already started to notice the difference in the way I feel-lighter, more alive, more energetic- in the past week I have been following my diet.
It's amazing.

xx
AJ

Woah.

That, is cool.
Just to watch even.

Mmm...

GS.
I bought a blender the other day, and I've been making GS since.
And it's amazing.
Most people would be compelled by the idea of having 'blended salad' for 'meals'.

You're missing out.

I will admit that I was very unsure of the idea at first, however, once you think about it, it's such a genious idea.
In the morning, your body is still waking up; digesting takes energy. Your body needs to 'warm up' in order to function in its optimal state, and shoving food that is hard to digest isn't probably the best thing.
Same goes for night, aswell.
Your body wants to 'cool down' so that it can rest for the night-it doesn't want to have to be 'excited' to rest.

And it tastes amazing.

I would recommend for any starters, like myself, to have a higher fruit content than veggies at first- it's much easier to take in, especially your tatebuds if you're accustomed to processed foods, cooked foods etc.

But every time I have GS, my body feels so much better- I'm so glad I've got a blender!

xx
AJ

Assumptions and The Power of Words.

No, it's not a title of a book.

There are things that are assumed, too many, in fact.
Your feelings especially.
I feel a flow of constant love towards people around me, and I have been assuming that they know that I do in fact, adore them, admire them, and some, love.
Lately I have been thinking more, and have come to a conclusion-
The way I feel towards people cannot always be so obvious to them, nor is it right to assume they understand. Certain things must be said, or underlined per se, because it would mean so much to the others around.

Have you ever felt that feeling you get when someone says that they are proud of you?
How about when it comes from someone you don't necessarily realize you meant much at all to?
It's tear-inducing.

So the next time you feel something, tell them.
"I'm proud of you."
"I really admire that you..."
"I miss you."
"You are amazing."


"Hey,
I love you."


xx
AJ

English Finals.

today.
Woah.

It's frustrating, as you cannot really 'study' per se for English exams.
Go over the stories you've done
Literary terms,
'key' concepts...

Basically, it's a bet.
Can you relate these two stories?
Analyze this one?
How about understanding poetry?

Now write 3 essays.
go!

Running with pens
pencils
scrabbles of protest.
You can't ever be wrong, unless you are.
And you're not right, unless you aren't.

oh my.
it's spewing an idea
spreading it
connections
theory.

prove your existance, now, darling.
write and write and write
run with the pen so fast so that time cannot catch you
but there's no path
it's just the dirt you're running through.

xx
AJ

Bothersome.

Bothersome, indeed.
Being a girl, that is.

We compare.
We compete.
Immensely.
And, unavoidably.
(oh, you know you do it)

This only happens, please note that, when a girl you don't like, is 'better' than you.
Prettier is the worst to me.
oh, and intelligence.
And ironically, that's just what drives me- to outwit, to be prettier, skinnier, better than that person.
Oh it's ugly, but it's honest. To be better than that person is the aim.
This also comes from no respect.
I don't respect the people I don't like.


The other drive is aspiration.
When someone I really like is 'better' than I am, I aspire to be like that person.
To be healthier, fitter, prettier, better.
That person is usually someone you respect a great amount. After all, how can you possibly surround yourself with people you can't even respect?
Clearly this is a much better way to go about in life, but I think both drives are necessary.

I mean, one isn't enough to keep me going on a bad day,
and the other isn't good enough to make me stubborn enough to keep going.

xx
AJ

Good Thing We're in Canada.

"f you want it cheap and dirty, buy from China.

If you want it affordable and usable, buy from Taiwan.

If you want it precise and durable, buy from Japan.

If you want it overpriced and unhealthy, buy from America.

If you want it over-engineered and unjustifiably expensive, buy from Germany.

If you want it expensive but high quality, buy from Canada.

If you want it cheap and fast, and you don't really care if it actually works, buy from Mexico.

If you want it cool-looking but useless because it's broken, buy from Korea.

If you want it cheap and late, buy from India (and keep your fingers crossed).

If you want to pay triple taxes on it, buy from the UK.

If you want it to snub your friends and make them feel inferior, buy it from France."



Too funny.
xx
AJ

Health.

Is important, yes?

I am SO far off my optimal health, it's rather insane.
My eating habits, for god's sake, is not the best.
Really, why am I consuming food-like-chemicals?

Good thing, I have a friend, who eats so amazingly well, and is so amazingly sensitive to what her body says- who keeps me on track.

so this is super random, but my current favorite 'meal'.

Veggie 'Wrap'!

All you need is an avocado, herbs of your choice, and spinach!

You make a 'paste' out of the avocado, with whatever herb you desire to consume (currently my favorite is cilantro and garlic), and maybe a squeeze of lemon to taste, and wrap it in spinach leaves.
It's so delicious.

xx
AJ