Happy New Year's! (And the resolution )

Well, first of all,
Happy New Years!

Yes. It's that time in southern hemisphere.


I didn't do anything special for that time, though, a part of me did want to be out socializing somewhere else on the Earth, I am very content with the way I spent it; which was with my second family. (but that's another story)

Oh, new years. I love it. a new start.
Since 2008 was a bit on a low side of me as a year overall, I intend to make 2009 an amazing one to make up for it!
And I love making new year's resolutions.
Mine last year? I didn't make one, and I felt like I didn't have a purpose. (which, is never a good feeling)

New Year's Resolution '09:

1. Complete transition to about 90% raw, which is where I'm comfortable. (I still love herbal tea and, spices are so much more convenient dried.)
2. Make exercising a daily thing. Especially yoga.
3. Become more independent.
   
4. Get on my dream!
   

4 is pretty low number for me. I usually make about 8. hahaha

I'm very fortunate to have someone who supports me through all this, and I am fortunate that I can (somehow) support her back- We're resolution buddies!

xx
AJ

Shatter.

Words.
They pretend-
pretend to be knives.

Yet the damage.
So deep, so fresh.
Invisible, yet, no tourniquets.
Can't you see?
Can't you hear?

My body- covered.
My screams- so loud.
So loud.
But it's not your range.
Nor the language- the language lost too long ago,
so long, only we speak it.

Mirror, mirror, on the floor-
who's the vicious of them all?

The one who speaks.
Who pushed me down the rabbit hole-
now I have no way out,
lost in the woods-
Where am I?
Who am I?

The smokes, the colors, the smell, the sight-
Strangest things surround me with thoughts,
some want change, some want someone else,
and even some, the death of my identity.

No, my shields are no use,
do I fight back?
Then I'd be back where I started.
Where I never wanted to be.
After all, it all began when I started running.

The books!
Oh the books.
They were the ones to start me off.
They are the ones who gave them the tasks.
The task, in which they must create a mold.
So that they can cut me out with it.
To fit in.
To be someone 'safe', who'll bring no change.
No news.

We fear change,
the new,
the strange.
So why not cut her out?
It's fine if she's missing a piece or two,
or her self.
As long as she fits the mold.

So they then went, the mold in mind,
cutting, cutting so she fits.
But she still won't,
so they speak.
The words still.
Cutting, cutting.

Ranting.

So. you know. life kind of sucks right now.
and i'm going to rant.
it's eating me up inside.

So one.
One-way relationships. and Impatience.
my best friend. who i only get to see twice a year max,
does not. make the same effort (if at all) to see me.
yet she still claims to be my best friend.
is it okay to be frustrated?
I don't care if it isn't; I'm frustrated.

Two.
Raw Vegan.
What I need is support, not reason why I shouldn't be.
I've already made my decision to be one.
You're not going to change anything by telling me why I shouldn't be one, darling.
So if you claim to be my friend, then BE my friend.
Support me.

Three.
'Friends'.
Don't claim to be my friend if you're not going to make the effort to be one.
And don't assume you know everything about me.
Don't take me for granted.
If I confront you about something that bothers me,
it bothers me. Don't take it lightly.
And, seriously, don't tell me what to be, okay?
I have enough identity problems, the last thing I need is a ready-made person I should be.

Four.
My body.
Please start digesting soon.
I realize I am not treating you the best I can, but please.
Digest.

I'm gonna go take a bath. I so need it.

xx
AJ

Transition. Two.

So I'm a bit lazy.
It's rather easy to eat 'convenient' 'foodlikesubstances' when you're away from your usual environment, where you don't have much control over what you eat-
so my tactic?

Make raw food 'convenient'.
How exactly? you ask.
well, one of my favorite raw food is nori rolls.
so for that, I cut up my veggies, such as red cabbage, carrots, cukes- and keep it in a tuppeware. I mean, it's not THE freshest when you get to it, but at least i'm not noshing on some pre-made meals, right?
Green Smoothies- pre-wash the veggies you use, like broccoli for instance, and keep THAT in a tupperware. or cut up the pineapples pre-hand.

there are so may ways to make raw food more 'convenient' for us.
you just have to sacrifice a little bit of your time and freshness of the food, per se.
not that big of a deal.

xx
AJ

Just Spewing Thoughts.

12:42 AM.
Exam? 8:30 AM.

I know I need to sleep, especially because I didn't get much last night.
In fact, almost every night this past 5 days, I haven't.
Could it be stress?
Maybe.

Whatever it is, it is perhaps because I have so much on my mind right now that I cannot get on and concentrate on anything.
So I'm spewing them.

Thought one:
Raw Veganism.
How long will it take for me to get accustomed to this diet, fully?
I thoroughly enjoy it, however, am still addicted to table sugar- which, makes me feel ill everytime I consume something of that kind.
Anything 'refined', actually.
Wheat. Sugar.
all that jazz.
So why do I keep consuming them 'foods'?
Habit.
How frustrating. Break the sugar addiction now, myself!

Thought two:
Will I actually pass my courses?
Will it be the first time I fail anything in my life?
Will I do as well as I want to in courses?
Will I be a failure?
Why am I hanging out with people who doesn't care about marks?
Why am I hanging out with people who doesn't have the same opinion as myself?
Why?

Thought three:
I want to sing.
Sing.
NOW.
Loud.
Free.
Open.
On stage-
and dance.
Sing.

Thought four:
Why can't I sleep?

xx
AJ

Ah, Sleep.

Perhaps it's due to the stress of exams.
Perhaps my body has learnt to run on 7 hours of sleep.
But I couldn't sleep.

Well, I did, go to bed early-7:30 ish- and intended to sleep till 4:00 so that I can get up and have an early day.
But no. I get up at 10:54.
And here I am, still up.
Yes, I have attempted to go back to sleep several (4, to be precise) times, and realized that it was rather a waste.

So here I am with my morning GS (...which is more like a juice today, since I used grapefruit) to have an early day on, and ready to take on the exam.... kind of.
Well, as far as it goes, I cannot do anything more by this point, and the best thing to do is to start studying for my next exam!

xx
AJ

Transition.

So I'm secretly and slowly transitioning into a raw vegan.
Why secretly?
Because people have very strong opinions on food, and most people don't necessarily 'agree' with the diet I follow.
And, you know, I'd rather not get into the deep topic of 'food' with people who aren't willing to listen.

I've been transitioning for about a week, a bit longer, now, and all is well.
I have truly fallen in love with the GS, by the way!
I make sure to make one in the morning- I particularily like the one I make with a handful of grapes, spinach and romaine.



That's my 'It's too late to eat, but I'm too hungry to study anymore' sized smoothie!



And for some reason, I get asked a lot the following quesion: "How much do you eat in a day?"
So here's a photo.I should be eating a little more colorfully, I've noticed just now.

Oh, and the mushrooms are marinaded. and it's delicious.
If anyone's up for it, it's quite simple- wash the mushrooms, peel the outer skin, chop it up, and massage in olive oil, or whatever oil you desire, followed by flavoring of your choice- try garlic and herbs- and let sit for 6 hours. Of course, you can eat it straight away, or earlier if you like.

So my daily diet is usually as follows:
Morning : 1L of water with a bit of Himalayan salt throughout the course of the morning, and a nice medium GS.
Mid-day: Usually a bunch of veggie sticks (yes, about 3/4 that tub) with dip of choice- recently, it's been the raw Chimichurri sauce.
Evening: A big GS, and if it's before 6 that I get hungry, a side dish, like the marinaded mushroom.


Because I'm still transitioning-very early in the stage, in fact- I don't make any strict rules to my diet. If I do, I will 'quit' very fast- to go from processed food consumer to vegetarian to vegan to a raw vegan in a year is a lot of change to go through. And it's not the body that can't keep up, it's the mind!

I have an easier time in these transformations of my diet than some, as I've always loved veggies and almost habitually filled at least half my plate with salad, and always needed a pretty good amount of raw veggies in my daily diet since I was young. What I am having a hard time eliminating, however, is sugar. I'm plain just addicted to table sugar.

Maybe it's because I'm extremely food sensitive, but I have already started to notice the difference in the way I feel-lighter, more alive, more energetic- in the past week I have been following my diet.
It's amazing.

xx
AJ

Woah.

That, is cool.
Just to watch even.

Mmm...

GS.
I bought a blender the other day, and I've been making GS since.
And it's amazing.
Most people would be compelled by the idea of having 'blended salad' for 'meals'.

You're missing out.

I will admit that I was very unsure of the idea at first, however, once you think about it, it's such a genious idea.
In the morning, your body is still waking up; digesting takes energy. Your body needs to 'warm up' in order to function in its optimal state, and shoving food that is hard to digest isn't probably the best thing.
Same goes for night, aswell.
Your body wants to 'cool down' so that it can rest for the night-it doesn't want to have to be 'excited' to rest.

And it tastes amazing.

I would recommend for any starters, like myself, to have a higher fruit content than veggies at first- it's much easier to take in, especially your tatebuds if you're accustomed to processed foods, cooked foods etc.

But every time I have GS, my body feels so much better- I'm so glad I've got a blender!

xx
AJ

Assumptions and The Power of Words.

No, it's not a title of a book.

There are things that are assumed, too many, in fact.
Your feelings especially.
I feel a flow of constant love towards people around me, and I have been assuming that they know that I do in fact, adore them, admire them, and some, love.
Lately I have been thinking more, and have come to a conclusion-
The way I feel towards people cannot always be so obvious to them, nor is it right to assume they understand. Certain things must be said, or underlined per se, because it would mean so much to the others around.

Have you ever felt that feeling you get when someone says that they are proud of you?
How about when it comes from someone you don't necessarily realize you meant much at all to?
It's tear-inducing.

So the next time you feel something, tell them.
"I'm proud of you."
"I really admire that you..."
"I miss you."
"You are amazing."


"Hey,
I love you."


xx
AJ

English Finals.

today.
Woah.

It's frustrating, as you cannot really 'study' per se for English exams.
Go over the stories you've done
Literary terms,
'key' concepts...

Basically, it's a bet.
Can you relate these two stories?
Analyze this one?
How about understanding poetry?

Now write 3 essays.
go!

Running with pens
pencils
scrabbles of protest.
You can't ever be wrong, unless you are.
And you're not right, unless you aren't.

oh my.
it's spewing an idea
spreading it
connections
theory.

prove your existance, now, darling.
write and write and write
run with the pen so fast so that time cannot catch you
but there's no path
it's just the dirt you're running through.

xx
AJ

Bothersome.

Bothersome, indeed.
Being a girl, that is.

We compare.
We compete.
Immensely.
And, unavoidably.
(oh, you know you do it)

This only happens, please note that, when a girl you don't like, is 'better' than you.
Prettier is the worst to me.
oh, and intelligence.
And ironically, that's just what drives me- to outwit, to be prettier, skinnier, better than that person.
Oh it's ugly, but it's honest. To be better than that person is the aim.
This also comes from no respect.
I don't respect the people I don't like.


The other drive is aspiration.
When someone I really like is 'better' than I am, I aspire to be like that person.
To be healthier, fitter, prettier, better.
That person is usually someone you respect a great amount. After all, how can you possibly surround yourself with people you can't even respect?
Clearly this is a much better way to go about in life, but I think both drives are necessary.

I mean, one isn't enough to keep me going on a bad day,
and the other isn't good enough to make me stubborn enough to keep going.

xx
AJ

Good Thing We're in Canada.

"f you want it cheap and dirty, buy from China.

If you want it affordable and usable, buy from Taiwan.

If you want it precise and durable, buy from Japan.

If you want it overpriced and unhealthy, buy from America.

If you want it over-engineered and unjustifiably expensive, buy from Germany.

If you want it expensive but high quality, buy from Canada.

If you want it cheap and fast, and you don't really care if it actually works, buy from Mexico.

If you want it cool-looking but useless because it's broken, buy from Korea.

If you want it cheap and late, buy from India (and keep your fingers crossed).

If you want to pay triple taxes on it, buy from the UK.

If you want it to snub your friends and make them feel inferior, buy it from France."



Too funny.
xx
AJ

Health.

Is important, yes?

I am SO far off my optimal health, it's rather insane.
My eating habits, for god's sake, is not the best.
Really, why am I consuming food-like-chemicals?

Good thing, I have a friend, who eats so amazingly well, and is so amazingly sensitive to what her body says- who keeps me on track.

so this is super random, but my current favorite 'meal'.

Veggie 'Wrap'!

All you need is an avocado, herbs of your choice, and spinach!

You make a 'paste' out of the avocado, with whatever herb you desire to consume (currently my favorite is cilantro and garlic), and maybe a squeeze of lemon to taste, and wrap it in spinach leaves.
It's so delicious.

xx
AJ

Identity.

Is it so strange that I don't want anyone who I know in real-life to know of this blog?
or my other on-line profiles?

I enjoy having an 'identity' with no prejudice, no 'mold' that is pre-made for me already.
Because then, I can be whatever I wish to be- maybe it's pretentious, or fake, but how else am I to know what 'me' suits myself the best?
And, to be able to spew out my thoughts without having people around me talk to me about it, or judge me by it- such a free feeling, that I wish to never have taken away from me. It's a guilty pleasure- from Myspace to blogs, I create a new profile as soon as someone finds it, and attempts on adding me, because I don't want anyone to know the 'self' I create for myself to live.

On-line, it doesn't matter what I am, who I am, what I decide to be that day; there's going to be someone who identifies with me, without questioning why, I just am to whoever it may be that unites themselves with.
And same goes for them; I don't question why, I just take them as they are-after all, isn't it the best feeling? to be accepted for who you 'are' at the time...

I don't believe anyone is a single person, there's more than one side to them- for instance I am not a single person that can be identified; I am an energy ball, I am a suicidal, I am a friend, an enemy, a goth, a prep... the list is so long, I can be everything people wouldn't expect.
And when people see a different side of me, they don't understand.

I don't expect them to, though I wish they could.
I never understand how someone can expect me to be one person, rather than the chameleon that I am.
And, I hate meeting people through someone I already know, because that person that I know would've made a mold for me to fill already- I am already 'made' into what that person perceive me as- a single person.

I think too much sometimes, though, I never feel like it's a waste.

xx
AJ

Opinions.

Well, so. I happen to have a group of friends who are rather intelligent.
And I'm clearly attracted to intelligence in people, however, it is NOT okay when they bash the way I feel about certain things.
So maybe I'm fascinated by things that aren't 'new' or particularly 'interesting' because there are so much better things in the world that happens already, and there are so much flaw to the information- maybe there's a different way they could've done the operation that would have been much more efficient, or maybe they don't understand the whole point in something happening.

Well, FUCK THAT.
I'll be fascinated by whatever the god damn hell I wish to be fascinated by.
I don't care what you find wrong in the doings, it's still fascinating to me.
And I'll have my rights to my opinion.

They're such hypocrites.

xx
AJ

Lists.

One of my thing.
Making lists of absolutely EVERYTHING.
I've been failing to make them in the past time I've spent in school- a very good reason why I may not be as efficient as I want to be...
What's interesting is, that even if I decide that I only study for 2 hours a day, and sleep for 9 hours, hang out with friends for 6... and such, (AKA very, VERY slack schedule) I can still fit in 2 hours of exercise.
So, why haven't I done this?

Funny how much time you let your life take, when it can be done so much more efficiently...

If anyone else is interested in seeing how you spend your day- http://www.studygs.net/schedule/
I enjoy it.

xx
AJ

Veggies.

Are so. SO. Amazing.
It is the only food I do not feel sick after consuming. Especially raw.
Oh, man.
Food is good.

xx
AJ

Oh, you know. I'm a student. I'm meant to be in class.

I went to a private school. A very structured private school.
It was a good school for sure, but what did it not teach us?

What to do with freedom.

I was a student, never missed a single class, straight A's, and cried when I got a 85 on a test. (except for English. that class was a waste of time) I would study for 9 hours, straight, on a Sunday. I would do my assignments a week early 'just to be safe', and re-edit my essay about 8 million times. I would pre-read on the materials, and until I fully understood those things inside-out, inverted, twirked.
Along with this, I was the school Tennis Team's Singles Player, on the school Dance Team, a singer. (oh man, I put so much time into singing.) I managed to get enough sleep to go on and do those things, whilst having time to Facebook inbetween.
Oh, and my room was spotless at ALL times.

Except that the school had us scheduled time slots to do all those things, with two 20-minutes break during the day, about half an hour of break before sports after class, and half an hour after sports. oh, and 45-75 minutes of free time at night, past 9 PM.
Yeah, talk about organized.

Now that I'm in University, I have managed to 'skip' (though I technically have a legit reason) something like 15 classes, I do NOT get 95's on tests, nor do I try to understand everything that's taught to us inside-out, let alone inverted or twirked, and I am not in dance or tennis.
How the fuck did I get here?

It's called a social life.
I didn't have one in high school. By the way.
oh, and there always seems to be a much funner thing to be doing rather than studying here. And no one really studies here. like really. And so many people skip classes, it's ridiculous.

Though, this whole not going to class thing is starting to get to me, so I think I'll be the straight A-boring person again for a while; it seems to suit me better.
Well,
the whole not getting a good mark depresses me, because it's what I thrived on in high school.
Oh, and did I mention that this girl I grew up with is a fucking genious?
yeah, I hate her for being so fucking perfect.

Things That Leave you Speechless.

In my opinion, poems are organized mess of spilling emotions.

Roses.

A rose? you ask.
A rose indeed.
A rose? you ask.
A rose, indeed.

What kind of rose may it be? you ask.
The rose we give in love,
or the rose we give in vain?
The rose we give in affection,
or the one we do in despite?
The rose we give in wish,
or the rose we give in secret?

Or, does it have a meaning at all?
might it be the rose we find,
asking, waiting to be given its meaning to exist?
Ah! The last kin it is, is it?
Then meaning, we shall give!

Say, rose, what would you like to be?
The symbol or love? Beauty? Respect? Admiration? Desire?
Even better, a Death wish?
What wonderful choices we have!
And it's all in the color.




Meaning, meaning, meaning.
We must all have a meaning to be.
We mustn't exist without one, never!
Instead, we shall lose our minds trying to find it.

But why must there be a rose? You cry.
I smile.
A smile that doesn't have a meaning;
it isn't a coy smile with a reason.
Perhaps it isn't a smile at all, since it's too busy looking for a reason to exist.


The prettiest part of a rose are its thorns, you see.
It just is, no need for a reason.
Yet I love you, with no reason.
Might that not be love at all, then?

So it isn't. No such thing as love.
Allow me, to hand you this rose.

How to Break Your Scientific Mind.

I am a Mathematician.
Which, by definition, makes me a 'logical' person in ways of solving problems. Even in life situations.
This approach in life causes several dilemmas, as I happen to also be an artist.

Singing, dancing, writing and painting often neglects 'logics' and prefer 'insanity'.
So what does one do, exactly, to break out of one's 'Scientific Mind'?


I'm sure there are books and articles by the bucket that tell you, but I wanted to share what I did when I was younger to do so.
It isn't hard;
you are able to take advantage of your logical side in trying to break out of yourself.
Now, if you are ready, read onwards!




"Prove 2+2=5"




There are no rules; you may use any logic and reasoning, also assumptions to prove this.
It's quite fun, actually.
I think I wrote a full 6-page reasoning/written work in doing this. Unfortunately, I cannot find it.

If you can prove yourself in doing this, you are well on your way to having a hybrid Scientific-Art mind.
And if you come up with one you are excited about, do show me; I do enjoy creative problem solving.

xx
AJ

The Night is Gorgeous.

I often find myself awake at inconvenient hours of the night.
By that, I mean most are asleep, including forms of valid transports.
And it happens to be the favorite hours of creepy men to lurk.

What do I do in the night, you may ask?
Here are several of my favorite things to do.

• Going for a run- It's such a freedom to run for ever with no one around
• Studying- Less Distraction = Efficiency goes up.
• Art-ing - This is anything from writing, painting, singing, dancing. I seem to be much more creative at night.
• Make a list of To Do's - quite self-explanatory.
• Watch a movie- An emotional movie, that is. I prefer others not see myself at a state that requires explanation.
• Learn things- I often research things at night, purely out of curiosity. There are so many things that interest me, but only briefly explained by profs in lectures.
  

It probably isn't healthy, but I feel like I get much more 'mileage' from my days this way.


xx
AJ

Cravings.

I crave kindness.
Being appreciated.
Sleep.
Comfort.
Life without paranoia.

(And real food.)

I'm not sure why I always end up surrounding myself in people who do not appreciate my presence. It seems to follow me every time.

I wish for a new start.



If it swallows you, you shouldn't give in.
If it ignores you, you shouldn't listen.

It's like drowning in yourself.
I need to go sing.


xx
AJ

Things that make me angy.

People who feels the need to justify against everything I say.
Really, is that necessary?

I think it's quite fine to enjoy things you may find boring.
So please don't bash all of my opinions,
and please don't feel the need to bloody justify why I shouldn't find certain things amusing,
or enjoy a show you find extremely boring,
or enjoy music you find 'horrible.
Savvy?

xx
AJ

What does insanity look like?
One should always have an unanswered question in mind.
xx
AJ

Connections.

I often find myself thinking too much,
or am writing an essay in my head.

Unfortunately, they are things that will never be asked to be written on in English classes. They are just fragments of my mind, and what I want to scream out to the world.
Those are the topics I would like to give a speech to the world on.
They are often controversial, and most people wouldn't consider 'important' per se.

They are unstoppable, however.
I cannot not think about them, or stop the pen inside my head which I use to write those essays with.
And they come into my head at such times where I cannot actually work on them, because of its spontaneity and the rate at which I 'write' them. English lectures tends to be my favorite place to come up with these arguments or opinions- and clearly, working on them during a lecture is unacceptable.

It's a funny thing; I come to these points I write inside my head in the most disconnected way possible for most- the way I make connections to the topic through simple things are possibly 'insane'. And my writing style changes every time. (it seems so in this blog as well.)

The other day, I wanted to write a speech called "In Defence of Bananas", which was a comical speech on why people needs to 'study' other people to fully appreciate them.
Bananas because of its denotations in modern society.

Yes, the time indeed was in English, and the topic of the lecture was 'Denotations' and 'Connotations'.
That's how I came up with the speech.
Strange, shouldn't you think?

At least, I do.




Perhaps one day I'll actually follow through with these fragmentary 'writings' in my head and propose to them to the public in some way.
Hopefully there wouldn't be a need to explain my motivations in coming up with the speech.



xx
AJ

Sleep.

woah. what is this?!
I haven't slept for longer than 4 hours in so long; this is ridiculous!

My currrent Club-Solo song<3

oh yes.

Things That Leave you Speechless.

This is just so amazing.

People

Lately, I've been able to get back in touch with people, and also have gotten to know some of those much better than I did before. well, all of them are web-based talking, however, I have found myself to be able to find a lot in common with these people-things I would have never expected. Perhaps this is due to my ability to be more one self on-line (sadly), but it has been a pleasant surprise I have throughly enjoyed.

On the other hand, I am flying out to Osaka and Tokyo tomorrow at midnight. I throughly dislike planes- clothes I find comfortable seems to be unflattering, and my skin always suffers as well as the body, due to the lack of water. and my ability to overpack does not help.
I should google that, actually.

xx

Going to the gym

Really pays off.
I've finally started to feel leaner. and my new trainer kicked my ass today.
I am READY to be sore tomorrow!!

Sigh. I am unsure as to how to get results faster.
though, having an obvious goal makes me want to quit when i don't get it.
oh well.

Also, I've been going to bed earlier now, and it should do me amazing.
Trying to have my life regular is a good idea. haha.

New exciting workouts, anyone?
x

You're not alone.

For people who are feeling down.
I write this because I know how hard it can be to allow yourself to be upset when you're so busy with everything else. Or, maybe you feel pathetic to be so upset over something that is 'nothing' compared to some people in this world's crisis.
but that shouldn't matter.

I've been there.
I've been to the place where nothing feels fun.
Where you question your existance every day, and that idea of never waking up sounds so great all of a sudden. and I truly believed that I will never get better.

It doesn't matter how horrible someone else's life might be, you're still allowed to break down because something that mattered to you went horribly wrong.
After all, how are you supposed to get over the situation and feel better if you don't let yourself feel it when it happens?

I believe that we have times where we feel horrible so that we can feel happy at times where we don't feel horrible in comparison.
You'd never be bored if you've never had fun.

So it's okay to breakdown.
It's okay to be weak.
Don't stretch it over 3 months to get over it, because that makes things worse; people can't always help you for the same reason for 3 months.
(I do realize the importance in being able to help yourself, but for now, it's okay to be a little helpless and ask for help. that's why we have friends. )

x

How to develop a gym habit

There's no simple way, clearly.
except the fact that I felt crappy for the past 5 days I didn't go.

When I finally dragged myself to do some weights *big blister's stopped myself from running*. And though I knew that it wasn't my usual standard of a 'good workout', I felt instantly better afterwords.

So what have I realized after all this?
that going to the gym on a regular basis really does help you emotionally.
and now I should go again, before I decide not to.
x

Woah. Long time.

since I last updated my blog.
well, I would like to write about my recent life changes I've made.
and intend to make as soon as I get to a university.

1) I have been going to the gym everyday.
I hate going there.
but I love, LOVE being there. It's something I never thought I could enjoy.
But it really does made a difference not only physically (which is coming very slowly, but that's okay), but what I benefit the most from gym-ing is the mental stability.
I have had a noticeable improvement in my so-unstable emotional state. It's probably one of the best things I've done for myself :)

2) Food.
I have started to think hard about food.
I cannot talk about this topic without crediting Simona, my friend, who has given me so much information about the importance in eating real food, and so much more. (AKA discovery of a new friend who I throughly enjoy, and they don't come easy) Until then, I have never thought much about what exactly it is that I am consuming. well, turns out most things were 'food like substances'. yes, food-like. meaning not really food. Though the way I see food may seem stoic to some, most, even, it seems that these food-like substances are quite responsible for many of my general unwelness, as well as other problems. I say this because, as soon as I started changing my eating habits and such, I began feeling much better. (WAY better than those... ginger-ale and ibuprofen)
And surprisingly, giving up meat has taken a great part in that.

This is a hard topic, as my parents disagree with me greatly on my decision of giving up meat.


3) Surfing.
Yes. Surfing.
I have truly fallen in love with this sport!
I cannot explain the way it feels when you stand on a wave- the wave that has travelled so far, that has so much power, so much.... more than you can stand to think about. It's amazing.
Now, I am not very good at this new skill I have began to indulge in, but, I can still ride some waves, and I still love it. I cannot wait to get better!!

well my friends, I can go on for EVER about changes I've made in my life, though, I have pin-pointed the bigger ones to post to this blog. I wish I could write them all, but I haven't the time, because there's so much to do!

xxx
AJ

Damn.

I was screaming "I love you" 5 minutes too late.

Oh hell no

Ok, this is SO wrong.
Whilst us, the girls, have our love-hate relationship with heels, what the HELL IS THIS?!
Yes, it is.
HELLS FOR BABIES

I think this is child abuse.

x

I am so awesome.

We have a black light theme dance coming up tomorrow, and as you know, I have NO whites.
No whites.

So I decided to buy a school gym shirt, and turn it into a hot dress!

It turned out pretty nicely, actually, with one exception...
the dress fails to support my bosoms.
damn!

x

Wait, Another Product to introduce to the World.

What may this rather emo-looking drink may be?
It's your handy-dandy Anti-Energy Drink!!!
Yes, just in case you're far too awake to handle AP Calculus in the morning, this is your best friend.

This carbonated drink is spiked with Melatonin and Valerian, which are naturally occuring hormones in your brains that promotes sleep, is meant to well, slow you down.

According to the press, "...this calming drink was inspired by today's popular hip hop artists who embrace the much sought-after hip hop lifestyle that encourages people to capture a stress-free state of mind"

Am I the only one thinking there may be a hint of THC in this drink?

x

Genious!

Ok, I have never used lube before, but this sounds like a pretty damn good idea for OCD ladies like myself.


Low and behold- Lube; in mousse form.

It's supposed to stay put, instead of dripping and spreading everywhere... How bloody fabulous is that?!
(Ok, I wouldn't know, but I can only imagine trying to clean lube spread, and then trying to explain to your friend that you just washed your kitchen floor when she wipes out)

It comes in slight-vanilla scent or unscented; personally I would hate to smell vanilla-ish sex odor.


Anyhow, if you're up for the cleaner sex, it's from Replens Intimate Options, $9.70. Which is so much cheaper than paying the gas it takes to take your friend to the doctor's due to a head injury from the fall.
x

Current Theme Song...

If you judge me by this choice, you obviously don't know enough,
but hey, whatever, you're the one missing out.



Now go dance.

It's Just A Question, but...

"Why do you hate your body so much?"

Yes, it's possibly one of the most commonly asked questions. I get it a LOT.
So I am rather very unhappy with my body, wish I were 20lbs lighter, was model-skinny.
My body image rating? very low -- JUST LIKE A BILLION OTHER GIRLS!!
Why am I the target of this question?
Why do people get so angry when I cringe about that extra little lipid later on my body?

Personally, I think it's very normal, and people should stop asking that question.

Next time, I'll answer
I'm sorry I'm a teenage girl in the 21st centry!

x

May I add that...

MY DIGITAL CAMERA IS BROKEN?!?!

sucks. no pictures on this blog for a while.
oh, to let you in on the scene,

I was charging my camera, yes? yes.
3 hours later, the light that usually turns from red to green charged was...
reddish green.
like, what?!


so naturally, I went to take the camera off the charging pod, and it
BURNT MY HAND!!!
how evil of it. but I might have deserved it as I have dropped the camera numerous times. which obviously has nothing to do with it being broken.

x

Screwed

yes.
I am screwed.
Joy!


I have a calc report I have not started due tomorrow.
(I have started it, just don't quite get it... lovely)
A Chem test
And a huge amount of studying I have not been aware of to do :))
And a double chin as you can observe from the smiley. (but not really)

On a happier note

Happy Birthday Tom!!

x

Today's Endeavour

My mother mailed me to congratulate me.
She sometimes mails me in Engrish. I don't even know why. but this is what she said :

"Congraturations on your awards!!
Respect your teachers
They know you do it hard and well

Love... Mom"

oh god.